Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This October, the purple ribbons and messages of solidarity you may see around Charlotte are more than symbolic gestures. They mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a national observance that reminds us of the prevalence of abuse, the silence that often surrounds it, and the urgent need for community response. This year, Jewish Family Services’ (JFS) campaign theme, With Survivors, Always, is a reminder that domestic violence is not an issue happening “somewhere else” to “other people.” It is here, it is widespread, and it affects people we know.

Domestic violence touches lives across every race, religion, age, gender, and socioeconomic group. National statistics show that one in three women and one in four men experience some form of abuse in their lifetimes. According to Jewish Women International (JWI), in Jewish communities, the rates are similar: studies estimate that 15 to 25 percent of Jewish women and three to five percent of Jewish men experience battering or abuse from an intimate partner. Despite these sobering numbers, the subject has historically been under-acknowledged in Jewish communal life.

Throughout the month of October, JFS will have information in the front lobby of the LJCC to spread awareness and education. Confidential help is available for anyone experiencing domestic violence. Jewish Family Services offers counseling and resources locally, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). For survivors, the path forward is often difficult, but the message of this October’s campaign is clear: no one is alone, and together, communities can work to end the silence that has shielded abuse for far too long.

How is the Jewish Community unique regarding Domestic Violence forms of abuse?
Unique cultural forms of abuse are recognized, including the withholding of a get (religious divorce) as a tool of control.

What is Shalom Bayit? How might it hide our pain?
There is a strong tendency toward under-reporting due to stigma, shame, and denial, which may be linked to community expectations of marital harmony (Shalom Bayit) and concerns about reputational damage.

Does Domestic Violence happen less in the Jewish community?
No, domestic violence occurs in Jewish households at the same rate as in the wider U.S. population.

Do Jewish women leave Domestic Violence relationships sooner?
Jewish women tend to remain in abusive relationships significantly longer, on average 7 to 13 years, compared to 3 to 5 years among non-Jewish women.

Guidelines For Taking Action

• Calmly start the conversation on a positive note.

• Be supportive and do more listening than talking.

• Focus on un-healthy behaviors, rather than their partner as a person. Focus on concerning behaviors and share how you might feel if you experienced them and why you are concerned. Be specific about the behaviors.

• Keep the conversation friendly. It’s important for your friend not to feel judged.

• Do not place the blame on your friend. It is NOT their fault their partner is acting this way.

• Allow your friend to make their own decisions, you can’t make them decide anything.

• Offer Solutions. You can help your friend think of choices and you can suggest options, but they have to decide for themselves.

• Expect more conversations in the future. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. There is NO “typical victim.” Victims of domestic violence comes from all walks of life, varying age groups, all backgrounds, all communities, all education levels, all economic levels, all cultures, all ethnicities, all religions, all abilities, and all lifestyles.